This annual trip to Arizona I had a mission, to stop by the San Xavier Mission and light some candles for friends that I lost since I was here last year. Three close friends, two of them frequently called me “Brother” (a bigger deal when you don’t have siblings and only get a brother by earned choice). When scraping the social sugar coating off – they were not lost. They died. Tom was a little older and his life ended unexpectedly. Steve was a year younger and I was there when his years with Cancer ended. Mark was five years younger and unexpectedly died a couple weeks ago.

If I seem a little angry, I am. Sad? Yeah I can wear that like shouldering a wet blanket while walking in the rain. Guilt? I suppose some survives when looking at pictures and wondering.. Turning sixty should remove the surprise that slaps with ‘unexpectedly’ and temper expectations of what means ‘long life’ but it doesn’t. Not for me.

The native people who have lived around the Sonoran Desert since before immigrants came and built this Mission are known as Tohono O’odham. They lovingly take care of their Mission and graciously allow others to visit and experience their place.

I must admit I always feel a little conflicted about visiting this historical religious place but at the same time appreciate the spiritual peace it holds.

While I don’t know what I believe is after this life, simply calling it “The next life” I do believe these brothers deserved a candle to light their way.