Puppy Shenanigans

From the beginning Sarrah did not like to be alone.  She could hear me upstairs working, instead of playing with her, and howled most of the day in a display of what I was told is called “Separation Anxiety”.   For such a little being she could make the loudest most heart breaking howls, for hours at a time.  She would wail, most of the day, while I tried to ignore her and worked.  Creating a habit, I started taking many breaks to spend time a little time with her; she rewarded me with clumsy excitement and delight.  Leah eventually tried a prescription for this anxiety, but gave up on it.  As like many issues there is not a magic pill cure-all.

Sarrah did not like to be outside, alone.  She insisted that I join her!  She actually delighted in being outside, but solitude was not a friend to her.  When the weather was less than wonderful, she wanted nothing to do with it, alone.  She would sit by the door and whine.  If joined she would rally a little, at least long enough to take care of business and inspect the grounds.  In an effort to make the backyard more suitable for Sarrah I got her a ‘doghouse’, one of those nice modern two-piece molded plastic types resembling those in the monopoly game.  It was a larger version of the ‘cat condo’ that was frequently used and greatly appreciated by Tux and Simon.  Apparently it never became hers, as Sarrah rarely used the little house, so it was merely a place to store her toys and clutter the deck.

I knew nothing about Dalmatians’ except for that they make a good draw for a children’s story.  It turns out that they are a high maintenance, high-energy breed of dog.  They require lots of attention and outlets for this energy (or they will destroy whatever they find), at least in the case of Sarrah.  She chewed, dug and clawed her way through many material possessions in her youth.  Later, I saw part of dog show on television claiming that they were bred to trot under horse drawn carriages ten to fifteen miles per day in defense of the horses and people.  This explains a need for exercise, fierce loyalty to chosen humans, intrigue with large animals and aggression toward other threats.

After a few weeks Sarrah discovered a way to preoccupy herself, without howling.  At first I was relieved and happy, for both of us.  Then I heard a strange digging sound and went downstairs to investigate.  The little monster was sitting down while feverishly scratching a hole in the sheetrock, another hole, in a series of them.  It became my evening activity to mud the damages of the day, to keep the little beast from digging all the way through the wall.  She gave up on this evil obsession, after a few months.

Sarrah had an appetite for destruction.  Her first “cute dog bed” lasted less than fifteen unsupervised minutes.  Sarrah discovered the delightful white fluff inside made for a good tug-of-war opponent, thru a nipped hole.  This synthetic fluffy stuffing was everywhere!  I gathered it up and stuffed it back in the hole from which it came.  The next morning it was mostly all pulled out again.  I reinstalled the filling again, and again.  This game lasted a few days until the bed finally gave up holding together and was tossed into the trash.

Leah special ordered a personalized engraved dog tag; it lasted less than eight hours, becoming a mangled bit (leaving what she couldn’t get to) of red and white plastic that now said “—rah”.

Tennis balls were quickly plucked bald, giving way to yet another mess and green fuzzy dog turds.  She would go crazy with these balls; grip them with her paws, chew and pull in a mesmerized frenzy that didn’t end until her mission was complete.  At least they were intended targets for destruction and easily replaced.

Despite a huge growing collection of toys; balls, bones and things that squeaked (for the approximate ten minutes that it took to tear out ‘the squeaker’) Sarrah seemed to prefer boring, regular everyday ‘around the house’ things to chew on.

For some reason Sarrah discovered a taste, an insatiable appetite, a gnawing fetish for… footwear.  She liked all kinds, new and old; chewy flip-flops’, tasty backed sneakers and the delightful tug of war promised by bootlaces.  Since we live with the household ‘no shoe’ policy, there is always a plentiful source, by each entrance to the house.  She would chew at least one of each pair, before time willing, going back for the second unmolested shoe.  The unexplained desire to chew off the back of the heel of sneakers and running shoes, rendering them useless, was exceptionally irritating.  Bootlaces are fairly inexpensive, but are not an easily obtained important part of the early morning workday.  I recall that she finally gave up her footwear compulsion after a couple of years and could finally be trusted to leave them alone.

One warm day, while taking a break I went into the kitchen to get some water.  I noticed some movement out of the corner of my eye, and again, and again.  Each time I moved closer to see what was going on…it was flying dirt!  As I got to the sliding door, all that I could see was her hind end sticking up out of the ground.  Her tail wagged in a staccato that would impress a Jazz musician, as it kept time with the small explosions of dirt flying out of the hole in the ground, the current hole in the ground.  My once prized backyard looked like old war footage with holes throughout.  When she heard me open the sliding door, the dirt covered little terrorist came running over delighted in discovering her new digging skills and the endless supply of nice flat ground to practice on.  I filled them in, scolded her and went back to work.  I checked on her later and repeated my steps.  We did this frequently for days, weeks and months.

Fortunately Sarrah was only out when the weather cooperated and she did not like that I buried her ‘bio-hazard land mines’ that she left, in the new holes and eventually stopped digging.  My yard hasn’t been “perfect” (nor will it ever be again) since Sarrah showed me that ‘there is more to life’.

As the clumsy puppy grew more coordinated and discovered her birthright for speed, the backyard became an amusing ‘Speckle-job Speedway’.  The little black and white blur made for contrasting excitement.  She discovered that running a figure-eight pattern allowed for limitless distance and honed her skills at banking, in either direction.  She would hole-shot launch from zero to fifteen plus miles per hour, sometimes after the cats, but often for no apparent reason at all other than perhaps burn off steam or just to show off.  If the cause was High Speed pursuit of the cats, they quickly evaded and would taunt her from safe vantage points of the fence, smirking as she went wild with crazy puppy excitement.

Sarrah would instantaneously takeoff running on the deck that runs the length of the house; her gouging toenails would add yet more scars to the wood.  As Sarrah got stronger, she began to jump up onto the built-in bench.  It seems that Sarrah had learned a few tricks from Tux and Simon; she would sit and lay on the bench for sunshine, view advantage and I think mostly to pose, like a cat.  In time, with practice the bench began to serve as a launch platform into the yard, adding to her range for flight and to the collection of toenail scars.  Soon after she began to shoot under the bench at full speed, so often that she permanently wore the hair off of a small area on her chest from deck friction.  As the scars in wood fade into seasoned marks of character and distinction sealed between coats of stain, they become preserved reminders that ‘Sarrah was here’.

When Sarrah was old enough, Leah enrolled her in an obedience class.  She returned after the first class beaming with all kinds of pride because “Sarrah was the best behaved in the class” and everyone was so impressed with her mellow demeanor and cooperation.  I could not believe it!  After the second class, Leah came home in a huff.  Sarrah’s true colors came out and she was a disruptive menace causing many problems with the others, as she never really liked other dogs.  I laughed, that’s the Sarrah I knew!  The next class was their last.  The instructor asked them not to return.  Perhaps a lack of practice and homework was a part of the downfall of Sarrah’s school days (Huck Finn would’ve been proud).  Sarrah always seemed to be a quite, mellow observer until she knew enough of the situation and was comfortable enough to fly her real colors.

In addition to dealing with behavioral matters, there were other adjustments to my home.  Dalmatians have hair, not really much for fur.  This hair is like short little pins that they constantly shed, which in turn persistently stick into all things made of fabric and static cling to everything else.  The blend of white, black and gray hairs ensures that some will be noticed, regardless of clothing color.  I used to say; with a bit of disgust “I’ll be finding her hair, everywhere, for the rest of my life!”  Now I say to myself with a tinge of repose “I’ll be finding her hair, everywhere, for the rest of my life”.

Through the times of Mayhem and Destruction, I made a discovery or at least a bit of dark humor.  I began to joke, “The reason puppies are so Cute, is so that you don’t kill them!”  Sarrah caused many moments of all consuming anger, but I suppose the fault ultimately lies with the humans responsible for the situations.  She won me over with affection, made me laugh and earned forgiveness for those issues that became less significant.

Fortunately I salvaged some of the ‘dog bite enhanced’ items (moving blanket, flip-flops, pull start handles, misc. wooden handled tools, extension cords, etc.  These “damaged items” are new ‘signs of life’ or souvenirs’ (aka. Gifts) proof that I am able to live with less than perfect material things and am actually a little proud of it.

Treasure

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As I watched them meet for the first time it was obvious that Heather adored Sarrah.  Their initial meeting was when Heather returned to our home after a surprise eighteenth birthday party dinner for her (my first ‘in person’ celebration of her birthday, in sixteen years).  She had only seen pictures of Sarrah, so the occasion was a little anticipated.  Heather had not been to my house since she was a little girl, so Sarrah helped ease any tension from the occasion.  After all, a cute Dalmatian could not hurt my appeal to a teenaged young lady.

Heather was drawn to Sarrah.  She drew two fabulous pieces of artwork in pen and ink, from photographs taken by others; one of Sarrah and me walking on the beach as the sun was setting (taken by Nissa) and the other of Sarrah peaking from behind a bush, magically enhancing these moments… capturing them in their time.  These drawings were gifts to me, from my daughter, of gifts to me, from Sarrah.

Participating in another of Heather’s artistic passions, she also photographed Sarrah, often.  I don’t think you can have too many pictures, especially those taken by people close to the memory.

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I had heard of memorial tattoos in the past, typically those emblazoned with names and dates.  More recently with the evolution of the art form, portrait types have become popular.  I had even heard something about a more extreme commitment, using a little cremation ashes in the ink.

I have collected a few tattoos over the years, prior to their current popularity.  They are mostly personalized designs; with no special meaning attached other than being decades’ old souvenirs of simpler times.  So the idea and realities of inked skin was not new to me.  I pondered the idea, with my twist.  The thought of replicating some of Sarrah’s favored spots around what I already had, seemed appealing to me.

I went to a tattoo convention January Twenty Second, Two Thousand Eleven, in Marysville.  This in itself was an interesting and distracting new experience that I found to be mostly tailored to the kind of artwork that I already had.  Out of all of the colorful artists I found a few potentials and let my mind work further.  If I decided to have this done, I wanted the right vibe to be part of the experience, in some kind of appropriate atmosphere, where the intent of meaning could be felt.  I did some internet surfing of these possibilities, viewed more of their artworks and refined my search.

I visited the Hidden Hand tattoo parlor in the unique neighborhood of Fremont, tucked under a building; interestingly just down the street from where Sarrah had gone for acupuncture and ultimately her last trip.  I met with the artist Roni, who combined with the atmosphere and locale, seemed right.  I gave her artistic freedom with photos of Sarrah and tracings of my foot.  My initial reaction to her emailed design was, “Wow, that’s bigger than I had envisioned” but I kept it to myself to live with the idea.  And like Sarrah, the artwork quickly grew on me.  I decided that a design to honor my best friend, deserved Big.

The unedited work of art with some of Sarrah’s ashes in the black ink was done June Seventeenth, Two Thousand Eleven; on what would have been her 13th birthday.  Now, she can walk with me… for the rest of my journey.

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I am not promoting tattoo’s in any way (I actually liked them more before the herds gravitated), but to my un-expecting open mindset, I did feel some relief in the pain of it.  The artwork healed nicely and serves me with a little visual solace, which most likely only I understand, making it better.

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Surroundings

Walking through the streets of my forty-plus year old working-class suburban neighborhood with Sarrah, where I had lived for around eight years, I started to notice and discover things.  The little stuff missed when driving on autopilot, getting from home to wherever and back, even those details that I had somehow missed when just out for a leisurely drive.

Like watching the ‘big hair’ artist Bob Ross on television go at it with a canvas; the brilliant colors, smells and sounds all quickly join in to complete the picture.  With repetition and varied routes we viewed houses, landscapes, people and how they live in different kinds of light.  Sarrah’s frequent pausing to bark at shut-in dogs, sniff shrubs and investigate everything worthy created endless opportunities to look around.  As new discoveries were added into the mix, smaller details were exposed.  A daily dose gives an observer some sense of goings on; projects, maintenance and all changes are easily noticed.  I enjoy seeing pride of possession, on any scale.

I have always noticed the houses with architectural flair, typically those older ones with added attention to detail, built when priorities were different.  By walking I discovered even more.  In particular, landscaping; how it is designed, maintained and evolves has always been an eye catcher for me, but actually walking right beside it and in some cases through it via public sidewalks, paints the picture more clearly.  I like to see timeless balance within a property, an organic harmony between the land and its buildings.  This varied equilibrium is hard to achieve and almost impossible for me to describe with a handful of words, but I think that you know it when you see it.

Down the street four houses resides an old decrepit evergreen tree on the corner.  This poor tree is in a crappy location and does its part to let everyone know that it is unhappy.  It grew crooked on this sloped lot and has always looked sickly.  To show its unhappiness it constantly drops needles and cones to plug the run-off street drain underneath so that when we get significant rainfall, the street floods.  Sarrah only noticed one thing… the Cones!  She loved the scratching hollow noise that they made as they skipped across the blacktop, when I kicked them.  She would excitedly attack, catch and carry the cone of the day along with us (sometimes two at a time).  Eventually she would drop it indiscriminately; some were deposited as little as ten feet away, most others much farther, the furthest made the whole mile plus round trip.  She should receive honorable mention on Arbor Day, for if ten percent of her randomly relocated cones yielded a tree; she planted around four hundred along Marine View Drive. 

Mas Cerveza

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Sarrah had a taste for beer.  And like me she enjoyed a vast variety, from the economic light “diet” kind to the thick, dark, rich tasty range.  She did however show a noticeable preference for the Mexican brews, especially Corona.  When Corona was on hand, she was relentless.  Patience for ‘a taste’ was out the window, she wanted some and now!  Sarrah was not above thievery, if a beer went unattended, it was hers.

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Sunshine

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Sarrah enjoyed all of the gifts from the sun, both outdoors and through glass.  This time of year, sunshine in the Pacific Northwest, is special.  The rays of sunlight are the treasured reward for living through the days of gray.  Or, the days of gray make the sunshine better.  Either way, Sarrah soaked up the sunshine whenever she could, fortunately we had many sunny afternoons her last year.

Working from home allowed me opportunities to sneak outside often for sun breaks with Sarrah, enjoying time with my friend in our backyard.  I could sit for hours and watch her smile and squint in the sunshine.  Whether at home listening to the musical breeze rustle through the vivid lime green bamboo leaves or at the beach house in the warm sand, with the ocean roaring to us.  I never tired of these moments.  When she’d had almost too much, she would start to pant like a lizard and then move to some shade, only long enough to ready herself for more sunshine.  Sarrah could do this all-day long.  I wish I could watch her, one more day.

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chasing .The Dragon’s Tail…

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          I live in a damaged body that cannot, will not, forgive the pain.  There is an ancient Asian philosophical analogy pertaining to dealing with chronic pain known as “Chasing the Dragon’s Tail”.  Basically, as therapy improves one area of a body, the pain moves on to another area (or becomes more noticeable), and another, and… therefore one is chasing the tail of a dragon.  The Dragon that followed me home primarily Lingers low in my back, Crawls… along… my spine and occasionally Jumps up, into my neck.  Through a few tough turns and some rough life choices, my body had become older than it appeared.  Then in the fall of Two Thousand Five, a few weeks before my fortieth birthday, a Car Crash due to the negligence of another became an exclamation point! at the end of that statement. This vehicular fiasco: damaged my spine, jaded my mind and changed life.  Fortunately for All, Sarrah was not along.

My daily window for working out in the morning had been broken by another, becoming a dark cold opening for my painful routine that I have referred to as “Slow Dancing with My Bitch” (Bitch as in Dragon, not Dog), turning my basement home gym into a dungeon where I now commune with my Dragon.

Around four in the morning my day slowly starts. Typically consisting of at least one pot of strong coffee, a coating of my new menthol based “signature scent” from my growing collection of varied pain ointments, balms, gels, creams or crème and stretching in attempts to break ‘the rust’ loose and prepare for yet another day.  My stretching is an evolving routine from old wrestling and martial arts prep, physical therapy, yoga and some other assorted contortions as recommended from my various therapists’ (often simply laying in repose with my back flat on the floor listening to the old mechanical clock tick, paying homage to my Dragon, while waiting for the mix to ‘kick in’).  On my worst days I’d mostly just lay on the floor, Sarrah would often forego her bed and lay next to me in a quiet kind of solidarity.  She would lie still on her side, pressing her back up against me as if to share some energy.  Whether or not Sarrah knew this would help or if she was simply bonding with me, I believe that these moments were proof that she knew that I needed her.  Then around seven o’clock, my work beckons, whether I feel up for it or not.

Shopping for and finding a replacement vehicle, one that met the needs of an injured driver (with a dragon), was not easy.  Financially times were good so affording a new Sport Utility Vehicle with a smoother ride was possible and appeared to be the best choice.  I got a better one that exceeded all needs and even came with a few luxuries.  One of the best sought out and included options being a rear area climate control feature, for Sarrah and passengers.  I could now accommodate the back by heating it without breaking a sweat up front or cool her without getting frostbite.  I added a remote start with a built in shutoff timer which allowed for bringing Sarrah on the severe weather trips, the kind that she previously couldn’t safely participate in.  These options and along with a significantly larger rear cargo area, were immediately noticed and greatly appreciated by my copilot.

Due to the damage, my new inability to sit semi-comfortably for more than an hour requires frequent stops, along the way.  When going to the beach, we utilized all of our frequent places and then some.  Sarrah unwittingly delighted in this, so I chose to think of it as making these breaks for her.

Through the first year I had three to five sessions of therapy (physical therapy, acupuncture, chiropractic, massage and a variety of torture treatment done by my neurologist) every week.  Each typically one hour long, with an average drive time of another hour.  In the second and third years I continued with one to three sessions of therapy per week.  From the fourth year on I typically feel best if I have one session of therapy per week.  All of this displaced work time, which in turn stole from my free time.  Sarrah’s presence and daily needs kept me getting out of bed and walking, despite how I felt, which was undoubtedly the best therapy of all.

Sarrah went to all but a few of the nastiest (where I could not drive myself) therapy sessions with me.  She was always up for “a ride in the car”; to her they were all just another potential for adventure.  My cohort would patiently wait in our vehicle, bark at those who were deemed a threat and mostly just snooze on her fixture ‘car dog bed’.  Before or afterward we always found a park, path or grounds worthy of a dog’s curiosity to check out the local ‘hood and walk off the day.

After acupuncture we would walk around Anderson Park, across the street in Redmond.  I had visited this park a few times over thirty years ago, as a kid with my Grandparents who lived in Fall City, the next town down the road.  This was a sort of hybrid gift: a stroll back in time, a therapy walk off and simply some good sniffing in return for waiting.   Now walking this park has another dimension to my mental time travels.

When Johnny Cash covered the song “Hurt” I had an instant connection with much of it, particularly the line “…I hurt myself, today, to see if I still feel…” and the somber vibe that he delivered it with.  Soon after, I started playing it on the return trips after acupuncture and any other form of therapy that hurt.

In the third or fourth year after this crash, I wrote something and kept it in my mostly semi-scientific “pain journal” (a record that I keep to track what works, what does not, et cetera), this entry was on a loose undated page.  My brain dropping was “When you’re done wrestling with all of the emotions and embrace the reality that you’ll never feel ‘good’ again, clarity returns”.  Apparently frustration from unrealistic positive thinking, gave way to acceptance of realistic thinking.  Or perhaps accepting my Dragon, instead of trying to kill it, made it become a better companion.

After almost five years of treatments and the best efforts toward “soft tissue” healing the final “Official Medical Evaluation” of my body after this misadventure was “Thirteen Percent Impairment of a Whole Person.”  As much as I wished for this to stop, for my body to bounce back, that some trained professional would have the answer, a magical cure.   Or that time would befriend me and just lead my dragon away.  This was it, the black and white summation of a chapter in my life, with an affected future shadowed between the lines.

Through the first five plus years of this “slow dancing meditation” Sarrah was always there to give me a daily boost with a cold nose and a gentle forehead nudge to my neck as if to say “Come-on Buddy”, which usually worked and eventually we would go for a walk.

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Another theft came in the form of diminished energy and tolerance, for almost anything.  It consumes a lot of energy to keep pain in check and function, trying to do what you once took for granted.  While digging for something positive in all of this and hopefully gain anything to hold onto. I suppose a small seed might be a touch of understanding and more compassion for those who live with relentless pain, like Leah’s grandmother.

It is my casual understanding that meditation comes in a variety of forms in addition to the traditional seated pose.  Walking, even cleaning, yard work and gardening are a few.  I believe the basic essential components are peaceful surroundings and a stillness of mind.  I would like to add (if it is not commonly believed already) spending mellow time with a special animal to the list of accepted forms of meditation.  Now, in Sarrah’s physical absence, I find myself drawn more to the other forms in which I participate.  My need for quiet time has significantly grown, despite the frequent hollow ache, I seem to crave silence.

          My aging Dragon is heavier and cantankerous!  It does not like the cold, loathes an erratic barometer and has become a little unpredictable.  It can actually be quiet and leave me alone or more often Grab me by the throat.  One thing is certain; she is my mine and will be with me, forever… feeding on my Qi.